I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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