The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
