just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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