it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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