Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
