I think im going to throw up on grandma
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
