VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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