Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
