Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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