Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
