goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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