My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
