you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
