Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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