You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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