I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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