38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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