when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
