Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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