so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
