we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
