Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
