Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
