i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
