I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
