How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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