dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
