He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
