you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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