as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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