If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
