My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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