If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
