i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
