if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
