Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
