Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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