32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
