dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
