Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
