Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
