I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
