he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
