(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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