You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Less talking, more tequila
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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