OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
