he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize