Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
