I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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