I think my vagina is haunted
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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