He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
