Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
