it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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