after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
