I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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