Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
