He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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