life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
