I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
