I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
