You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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