oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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