So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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