i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize