uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
