So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize