Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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