i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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