Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
