I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
