he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just tell him i said nine months
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
