My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
