i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
