yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There's always time for handjobs
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize