Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
