yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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