she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
