we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My liver just had a heart attack.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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